Oh, the things Twitter can bring on.
It started with a throwaway reference to Groundskeeper Willie, and, well … how do you gauge Scottish greatness? The criteria can’t help but be totally arbitrary.
(Och. A whacking great tin o’ worms, this.)
But on reflection, Springfield Elementary’s redoubtable custodian must yield to the Chief Engineer of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Consider:
Round 1: Drinking
Groundskeeper Willie: Once opened a bottle of Buckfast in the library.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmXXwRgHILw&w=480&h=274]
Scotty: Put a carpetbagging, shape-shifting alien right under the table.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWEDZFoLmyA&w=480&h=360]
Advantage: Scotty.
Round 2: Fisticuffs
Groundskeeper Willie: Subdued a wolf. Barehanded.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNzPsfnN3sU&w=480&h=360]
Scotty: Started a bar fight with a room full of Klingons.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqgAT34ZekY&w=480&h=360]
Advantage: Groundskeeper Willie.
Round 3: Engineering expertise
Groundskeeper Willie: Unclogged a toilet. Barehanded.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4918WgVig0&w=480&h=360]
Scotty: … Really? Why are we even discussing this?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSzyHbrvyd0&w=480&h=360]
Winner: Scotty.
Not even close.
Ladies and gentlemen, television’s greatest Scotsman: Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott.
There may well be other criteria (thrift? poetry? Poor diet?), but this was just a one-off. I’m sure there are those out there who will differ. Bring it on.